I thought about this post over and over, I don’t know who in my family read my blog and I don’t want to hurt anyones feelings. But the other day something happened and I needed to express it.
August marks us being in Florida 3 years and so it was time to renew our lease in our apartment. The manager which id like to say is a good friend of mine, asked if she can come over to help with the application. The mom in me rushed to tidy up my home even though it was tidy all ready.
Mj is very friendly but this time she was a bit standoffish. She looked closley at my friend and watched her. Although my friend said hi to her and tried her best to befriend MJ, she wasn’t having it. after an hour or so MJ loosened up and went under the table (where we were sitting) and started touching my friends leg. My friend immediately acknowledged the touch and offered to pick MJ up and to our surprise MJ accepted. MJ sat on her lap as we talked and basically stared at her. I watched as my daughter sat on this strangers lap and looked at her in awe and at times placed her head on my friends shoulder. My heart sank. I had all the feels. See to some this might be dumb but to me this is everything. I watched my daughter look at this stranger as if it were her aunt or her cousin.
And in that moment I felt guilty. I felt as if I didn’t give her a chance at a real family like Jaiden had. See Jaiden was the center of my family, sorry to say but he’s everyones favorite, when he was born my mom was there and my friends went to visit him at the hospital, he had his birthday parties full of people that he knew loved him. He was surrounded by FAMILY. He saw his aunts regularly and his grandparents regularly also.
This is what my daughter won’t have.
My daughter wont know her grandparents, she’ll see them in photographs or FaceTime.
My daughter won’t have her little cousins watch her grow.
My daughter won’t have her aunts just randomly visit and pick her up and glide her through the air and smother her in kisses regularly.
She won’t have all of them celebrating her birthday with her. She won’t have her only uncle casually hug her and whisper to her that she’s the most beautiful girl ever. She won’t have day dates with her cousins, she won’t have my best friend drive hours to see her, she won’t have anything that Jaiden had and that KILLS me.
But I’ll tell you what she will have,
She’ll have a mom and dad that love her , a brother that loves and protects her unconditionally.
She’ll have US! And I’ll try my best to make up for everything that Jaiden had.
But she’ll have US….Jaiden, Hommy & ME….. and we’ll give her EVERYTHING.
& I’ll make sure that she won’t need anything else.